Thanksgiving

You hit your late twenties, early thirties, and you start to cool on the holidays just a wee bit.  You go through the motions-- the food, the family, the gifts, the music-- and it's all very nice, but it's not quite as it was when you were young.
Well, let me tell you, having a 2.5 year old in the house changes things a bit.  This is the first holiday season that Violet has been completely aware of what's going on, and she is LOVING it.  It's a bit like having our own personal holiday elf in the house.  Just completely overwhelmingly wonderfully ridiculously enthusiastic about it all.  I can't help but have my spirits lifted by this little nymph, even in the wake of losing my cat, and also losing a cherished member of our extended family (Bob Fuerst) recently.

At the end of a hard week and the end of the Thanksgiving weekend, I want to remember those we have recently lost, and also give thanks to those people in my world-- mainly Violet and Tyler-- who make the hard parts of life fall just a little more gently.


While I was rocking Violet the other night, Violet said to me Moon is in heaven.  I responded by asking her What is heaven?  And she said Heaven is the city where Moon went to feel better.  
We are not particularly religious people, but my child is a gentle soul, and somehow this idea of heaven-- a place to be happy and healthy and renewed-- especially in the midst of the holiday season, just seems to speak to all of us.
Bob, we miss you.  I am glad that you and Moon have each other; two of the warmest gentlemen I have ever known; and it warms every inch of me to know that there are two pairs of shining blue eyes now watching over us all.

I'd like to leave you with poem by my favorite poet, Billy Collins...


The Dead

The dead are always looking down on us, they say.
while we are putting on our shoes or making a sandwich,
they are looking down through the glass bottom boats of heaven
as they row themselves slowly through eternity.

They watch the tops of our heads moving below on earth,
and when we lie down in a field or on a couch,
drugged perhaps by the hum of a long afternoon,
they think we are looking back at them,
which makes them lift their oars and fall silent
and wait, like parents, for us to close our eyes.

    

Rest in Peace, Moon

I try to explain to my daughter, Moon isn't coming back; He still loves us, but he died, and she looks at me and says our pumpkin from Halloween died too, just like Moon, and mama and dada are sad because they miss Moon...  and then she tells me a joke to make me feel better Not Trader Joes, Trader Toes!!  

It's really hard to tell how much reality a 2.5 year old needs, and it's hard to know what to say when I'm so unsure about what the reality actually is.  I know the facts--  Moon was very very sick, and I had to put him to sleep yesterday afternoon, and Tyler and I are sad beyond belief.  My little cat died in my arms, and we took him to Whidbey, up to my parents' cabin, and buried him beneath the ferns and morning rain.  After we were done, I looked around me-- at the sky and the water-- and everything was gray and white and soft; a world translated into the downy coat of a siamese cat.  He seemed everywhere.  

Well, everyone has a different opinion about how to relate the death of a pet to your child.  Funny, though, in many ways I think Violet understands the situation more than I give her credit for.  --Or maybe it's just that really, when it comes down to it, the facts don't really matter a whole lot to her.  What she understands is that we are feeling sad because we miss Moon in our house.  We miss feeding him, and pulling a string for him to catch.  We miss giving him hugs.  She really doesn't have a whole lot of interest in why he's gone, or where he's gone; a toddler is pure feeling, not unsimilar to a cat itself; although she is starting to understand that he is gone, and that there has been a change.  So I'm trying to take her lead, and not focus on what I simply don't know and can't explain... and focus more on how we are feeling about having to say goodbye... although it's not easy.  

Here are a few photos from the ages.  Enjoy!  (And please don't judge 14 year old awkward Rachel too harshly ;)  

Moon at Whidbey as a kitten.

Moon's 1st birthday party.   I made my mom throw him one in our backyard. 

Home from college; Moon helping make anti-Bush signs.  

Moon in our first Seattle apartment.  Such a long beautiful feline.

Tyler had to start a job, so we decided Moon should too.

Our little family, before Violet :) 

Uh oh, Moon!

Right before going into labor.  

Moon in my painting studio.

Moon, Violet, and my mom. 

Moon loved Violet

what.i.am

LoveLoveLove this video.

Cooking

Moon Update

Many of you have asked how Moon is doing....  So I thought I would give you an update.
Our kitty seems to be holding strong, or at least stable, for now.  He's on a special kidney-friendly food, and is taking a couple of things to help his tummy feel better so that he feels like eating this new fancy-pants food.  We're watching him closely to make sure he doesn't stop eating again, or start showing any other signs of suffering.
In a round about way, it is a bit of a gift to get to know that the end may be approaching.  I know a lot of people who have had to deal with the shock of their pets just disappearing--  missing for good or suddenly and unexpectedly passing away.  It's a treasure, in a way, to be able to take this time to reflect on what this small unassuming animal has meant to me.
I was talking with a friend the other day about Moon, and she said something to the effect of "Moon has carried a lot of your grief over the years".  
This, I know is true.  Grief, joy, fear, loneliness, happiness, confusion--  these are all things we burden our pets with.  This cat has been a little fuzzy sponge that has often soaked up my worries and angst at the end of the day.  Also, now, he is the love of my little girl's life.  We're definitely up for suggestions any of you may have in how to talk with Violet about all of this.  It's going to be tough.

Monday Afternoon Birthday

My birthday is June 2nd.  But, apparently it was also my birthday today (according to Violet O.), and everyone was invited.

As you grow older you find that there are very few people who really care about celebrating your birthday.  But, when you become a mommy, there suddenly is this little person who loves and cares for you so incredibly much, that any and every day-- any old useless meaningless day-- is transformed into a birthday party in your honor.
I went into Violet's room after her nap today, and she informed me-- as she often does after nap time-- that it was indeed my birthday, and that she was going to "make a strawberry ice cream cone cake" for me, and that everyone could have some.

Please enjoy now this tidbit from my party.
http://youtu.be/p4btqw4UIHw

Moon

It's not good news;  Moon has been diagnosed with advanced kidney disease.  This is the kitty who I've had since age 14.  When other young ladies my age were becoming beautiful and starting to date boys, I was carrying this little siamese kitten around in the hood of my sweatshirt, and planning his first birthday party.

Moon was there through all of my high school years, he has seen me become a wife and a mother.  He's moved with me and has been my little companion through every major event that has happened for what has been just about exactly half of my life.  

So it's strange and a bit horrible to think that in a few days, weeks, months he might not be here anymore.  We're not really sure how long he has, but the vet didn't paint a very hopeful picture.  Keep us in your thoughts~  it's been a bit of a hard week for all of us here in the Sprague home.