Foods to be Thankful for

I've been feeling a bit at war lately with these new dietary restrictions that I'm on.  Dairy and gluten free  is a hard pill to pop with the holidays coming.  Violet and I made a pie last week, and I thought for two seconds that I could close an eye to the crust and maybe just maybe feel fine, despite the flour, despite the butter (what harm could one little piece of pie do?) -- as a result I ended the evening with that familiar debilitating stomach ache and a migraine.

As I was walking through the grocery store this morning, I couldn't help but think to myself really, this shouldn't be so hard for me.  I have had tons of support--  friends and family sending me alternative recipes for pie, stuffing, cookies, bread, potatoes, etc... that are dairy and gluten free, and I am actually extremely lucky to live in a city that makes alternative food items easily accessible....  So why, still, am I having such a hard time with this?
I think, maybe, it might have to do with the food tradition that surrounds the holidays.  We all have our favorite recipes that we pull out this time of year, and not being able to have them in my kitchen exactly as they have always been is a little like not having some of my closest most loved relatives at the table.  It just feels off.  I miss them.

But, pity party now ending, I am looking forward to trying a few recipes that were sent my way.  I'm not a very domesticated lady, but I have always taken pride in the fact that I can make a pie crust from scratch (thanks, mom!)  However, I think the saving stone in reinventing a few holiday favorites is going to be accepting the help from bakeries and companies who already have a few things-- like gluten free pie-crust-- figured out.
On that note, I'd like to share a small list of foods/companies that I am thankful for this year, unique to these recent health issues:

1: Rice.  Rice in every form.  Rice milk, rice flour, rice pasta.  Rice, you are incredibly gentle and soothing, and I love you so much.

2) Coconut oil.  You give food that richness it deserves when dairy isn't an option.  Also you make my morning oatmeal completely incredible.

3) Quinoa.  My friend Jeremy introduced the two of us many many years ago.  I thought you were just for hippies, but it turns out you're a pretty awesome grain.  Jeremy wasn't kidding when he called you the super food. 

4) Wheatless in Seattle :  Definitely my favorite wheat-free bakery in Seattle.  I don't know how you do what you do, but don't ever stop!

5) Dark chocolate.  I never really had an appreciation for dark chocolate until milk chocolate and I had a falling out.  Dark chocolate is my new late night hero.

6) Aidells. These are seriously good.  And gluten free!  (not all sausages are)

7) These websites:  http://simplysugarandglutenfree.com/, http://glutenfreegoddess.blogspot.com/, http://www.godairyfree.org/, http://glutenfreegirl.com/  (Thank you, Stacey!!)

8)  Flying Apron Bakery  : I've had mixed feelings about this place in the past, but I have had a few friends recommend their ready made GF pie crust.  Definitely worth giving it a shot this year!

9) Food Should Taste Good:  This company makes awesome snack-type foods.  When you live with a toddler (at least with my toddler) it's hard to stay away from the string cheese and crackers.  Having an alternative snack in the house makes a DF and GF life a little easier and more fun.

10) Zumba.  Ok, not technically a food....  but it definitely has been nourishing to my body and mind this year while dealing with these recent food allergies.  There have been some days when my time during zumba is the only hour in the week when my body feels good and alive and not in pain.  It has been a great reminder that while, yes, I am dealing with these adult onset issues, my body is still young and strong  (sort of! :)

Chowder. Pigeon. Taco.

Oh Chowder, last Sunday night the storm hit.  And I had this dream that you were stretched across the sky, your enormous thick body sleeping heavy on the clouds, squeezing out the rain like a sponge.  I woke up knowing you were gone from this earth, feeling my heart break twice--  once for me, and once for Violet who loved you as only a child can love an animal.

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A week ago he went missing.  He was gone all day, which wasn't like him.  Normally I would go outside and call his name, and soon I would see this little black face and paws and tail bounding through the tall grass of the empty lot next door to us.

But nothing.
Not a trace.

I became very intimate with my neighbors' yards--  searching under decks, listening to basement doors, searching for any sign of him.
It was as though he had just disappeared completely.  Into thin air.

I know I am going to sound like a crazy woman now, but apart from not finding any physical sign of him, something about our house and the air outside just felt... blank. thin. cold.  I can't really describe it; it just felt as though he absolutely and completely was not physically anywhere.
His presence, the presence that a cat brings to a yard and to a home was just absent.  If you own an animal, you will know what I am talking about.

Wednesday night, Halloween, finally his body was found.  I say finally because the only thing that makes losing your animal worse than it already is, is not knowing if they are still alive or not.  The waiting and the wondering is so horrible.  Stuck in limbo, not knowing if you should continue to keep your hope alive, making posters, making phone calls, searching yards....or release yourself and let the grieving process take over.



But what a complete heartbreak.
He was the cat who came into our home as a fresh new friend, after having to put our cat, Moon, of 17 years to sleep last Thanksgiving.  He and Violet were a bit like siblings--  together, always together, teasing each other, arguing, playing, loving deeply.  He would stretch out on our kitchen floor like a dog, with his back legs straight out behind him, and look up at you as if waiting to hear the news of the day.
At night he would weigh about 80 lbs, sleeping on my feet, showing up next to my head at 3am when I was awake and worrying about the world.
We miss him like crazy.
I still can't believe he's gone.  In the short time he was with us, he made an enormous impact on our lives.  It feels so wretchedly cruel that a creature so young and loved by so many could just all at once be gone.

And this is where my story begins to sprout a little life and hope.  

It is also where  I possibly start to sound really crazy. 

Foster mom, Jean, with kittens

Just three days after we buried Chowder, I was online taking down a few of my lost kitty postings, when I suddenly ran across this listing for two young kittens up for adoption.  One siamese mix, one orange tabby, from Langley, on Whidbey Island where I spent most of the summers of my life growing up (and still where I go to find peace today).
Again, it was this really weird feeling.  Like these were my kittens, and they were just waiting for me to go and get them and bring them home.

Even though it's too soon.
Even though we have never really wanted more than one cat in the house.

There they were, just waiting.

Violet and I hopped in the car (Tyler was out of town at a conference), and we drove as fast as we could to our kitties.

They are so incredible.  The siamese girl, who Violet insists on calling Pigeon is the most docile little creature.  She is white and cream colored with lynx point markings (grey stripes) on her tail, ears, and face.   She is teensy tiny, but as brave as can be.  She looks you in the eye as she sits on your lap in a very tidy little ball.
The boy, who is an orange tabby, we have been calling Taco.  He is spunky and very playful, and not quite as brave as his cool-as-a-cucumber sister.  His purr is high-powered, and he snuggles like nothing I've seen since Moon.  He likes to stretch out the way Chowder used to do, with his legs flopping over the couch.
I adore them both.  And they adore us, I think.   They definitely adore each other, and can usually be found snuggled in a kitten pretzel pile, sometimes grooming each other.

Tyler has forgiven me for adopting 2 cats while he was away :) 

 Rest peacefully, Chowder cat.  We loved you fiercely for the short time you were with us.  Thank you for sending these two little ones into our life.  Our home has lots of love to give, and as Violet says "even though Chowder is in heaven, we can still love him.  And now we love our kittens too."  

Enjoy this video; new beginnings; welcome Taco and Pigeon.